My grandma's service was ridiculous, and I'd never want to die in China. First of all, its all about ritual and completing the rituals- not about saying goodbye and remembering this person. The rituals are long and serious- you cant fuck them up or else the spirit doesn't go where it is suppose to and then youre like cursed or something. First of all- we waited too long for the funereal, it was close to 2 weeks after she passed that we held it and my aunt ended up not even being able to come. When they rolled out her body in the coffin she looked like a mummy- like flat. It was surreal. Everyone was extremely shocked at how the body looked. During the services, my dad read from some pages that everyone in the family had written, It was a description of her life, her work, her family and then her illness. People in the back were like talking or on the phone the whole time, i couldn't understand. Her friends since before she met my grandpa came and this whole other side of the family that i'd never met before came.
So after the speech, the family went up to her and said our goodbyes. Which was just a public display of our sadness, and I couldn't even really deal with all of it. I was on display! Just like Grandma. After that, there was some more talking and everyone else walked around and said their goodbyes. There was a band playing, which was weird, because they were playing all horn instruments and it made it seem more festive that i think it should of been.
So after everyone sees grandma, they roll her out of the glass and everyone fills her coffin with this paper money, like completely surrounds her body with paper money. And then you put flowers over the money (the money is already on a bed of flowers!) The layer of flowers is put until the very top of the coffin, and then it is time to nail it shut. This is all done while everyone is surrounded. My dad nailed a nail, my uncles nailed a nail each, and my brother, cousin and I nailed a nail. Yes, thats right- the family seals in the coffin, themselves.
We all then follow the casket out of the building, and into a car- where it is immediately taken to be cremated. My dad and my uncle went, everyone else went into a bus that we rented and went to the luncheon. Everyone is obligated to go to the luncheon, or else they will be cursed. The very least anyone can do, is have a tea.
So everyone has lunch, and it is an enormous lunch. There was dish after dish coming out and we were there for close to 2 hours.
I left early with the kids. My brother, being a boy- took the whole thing and bottled it up, he told me that he didnt want to cry, but he was really really sad. I told him it was okay to cry, but he still couldn't.
The next day, we went to her plot early in the morning and burned more money and put the food out, placed her ashes in the plot and sealed her up right next to my grandpa. It was close to 100 degrees and we were all sweating SO hard. The adults were all frazzled and unorganized, they didnt even know the rituals. My grandma's best friend showed them what they had to do. We sealed her up, lit incenses and bowed our heads. The kids and I left, and the adults had to go to a temple with monks to kneal and pray for 2 hours- in the heat, outside. I took the kids to the arcade. Where they proceeded to have a fight and then it rained while we were trying to leave...and it was horrible.
It is believed that around 40 days after death, the spirit returns to its family members and sees them one last time, before accending to the heavens. Currently my grandma is in limbo (all the praying her children did, was to help her get through a series of "gates"). So in like a week or two, I'll have to set a place at the dinner table for her, light some incenses, and her spirit can come see me on that day!
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